Singles Ads….and Jimmy Buffett

So here’s a job most people never had.  I was in charge of co-managing the Personal ads at a major city magazine many years ago.  You know, “SJF seeking SJM for true love, 2.5 kids and a house in the suburbs”, etc… 

There was no email, no eHarmony, no Match.com back then, so there was no instant gratification. Singles had to wait for the magazine to hit the newsstands. Then they had to wait for people to mail a response c/o the magazine’s offices where our beloved, unpaid interns sorted and forwarded them along to the SJF (single Jewish female) or DWM (divorced white male) or MGPTBS (Married Guy Pretending To Be Single, a.k.a. Idiot).

Sometimes, a few of the really bold guys would come into our offices to personally pick up their mail and then try to ask us out.  That’s what my grandmother would have called CHUTZPAH. But let the record show that I never accepted a date from any of them.  That would’ve been the equivalent of someone working at Ticketmaster and grabbing the best seats for themselves first, right?  Not that I’ve ever seen anyone get a good seat through Ticketmaster.  Except for that time I scored awesome U2 tickets by being first in line at the Ticketmaster booth inside a Kmart in Florida.  I pissed off all the Jimmy Buffett fans waiting behind me because you know that if you don’t get your Jimmy Parrot-Head Buffett tickets within the first 3 minutes of them going on sale, they will be SOLD OUT. Why does that guy sell out so many gigs?  Who are these people buying the tickets?  Oh wait a second, I don’t care.